It hit her like a freight train. In an instant she was so suddenly and completely over it. But in retrospect, it was a slow and gradual progress. Progress filled with many people and little moments that helped the healing along. It all started with a friend who understood; someone who just listened. And time. A year sprinkled with random guys and failed attempts at relationships. Neither of which never measured up to the last. It ended the same way it began. A new friend who listened. Who understood. Who helped more than they ever could imagine.

Her heart still had hope in the completely hopeless situation and she had a hard time figuring out why. Her head knew the exact date of when that last drop of hope streamed down her face. But moving on meant letting go and her heart was not going to let that happen. Not just yet. Deep down she knew that pain of this magnitude never truly goes away. She would just get better at hiding it from the worried faces and caring souls around her.

Maybe she could have fought back the memories. Maybe she just was not trying hard enough. Maybe she did not want to try. If happiness is a choice, was she choosing to be unhappy? The anger and sadness had rebuilt the walls around her heart that he had so carelessly torn down. The feelings had become familiar. She was comfortable and content because she knew what to expect. She was dealing with it. Moving on meant losing that anger and sadness that seemed to protect her now. She preferred the familiar over the uncertain, even with the possibility of greener grass on the other side.

That through year after year
Something very few witness
But all that breathe have wished for
Such a sad story it is
For a love of the deepest
To be wasted at last.

Everyday her heart broke all over again as if it shattered into a million pieces every morning just as she opened her eyes. It was as if the alarm clock had some evil magic power that brought back the pain. At the moment her feet touched the floor, she spent the rest of the day gasping for breath while trying to pick the sharp pieces out of her lungs. With every midnight prayer, she tried to re-form the pieces into a figure that at least somewhat resemebled the shape of a heart, only for it to shatter again the next morning with the sound of that wretched alarm clock.

The days had flown by and before she knew it a year had come and gone. She had an impossibly hard time believing that it had been that long. She spent so much of her energy just trying to figure out why she still hurt that she barely had any energy left to try to make the pain stop. She wondered how much more time it would take. She was growing tired, but knew inside that the worst pain was better than the numbess that would overcome her if she finally let him go.

The more she thought about it, the more she laughed at her own jealousy. It couldn't possibly be true anyway. After all they had been through, after everything he had promised, he couldn't have possibly moved on that fast. Or at least she hoped. But then again, no. She would never wish that same fate on the poor girl. Unfortunately though, people never change. At least not without something really worth changing for and this girl couldn't be that special.

Time. It takes time. Something of which he hadn't had enough of. Unless, of course, he didn't need time. She dared to say it was all a lie, some sort of game he was playing. If that was true, she definitely had won. She was finally truly and so deeply in love. In love with someone who she trusted to be in control. Someone who would never leave. And because His arms were now constantly around her, she didn't need him anymore.

She had comfort and refuge in the only one who could truly change her. And he, well, he is still searching all the wrong places for the one thing she has already found.

She didn't like face to face conversations. Writing was easier. It allowed her to disconnect from the conversation and the situation. Almost as if a character she created was engaging in the talk instead of her. She was writing a story. The story of her life as she wished it was being lived.

It was cold that day but she didn't mind. The cool air almost magically numbed the pain she felt on the inside. He was late. So she waited, thinking about the irony of their meeting location. Things like this don't usually begin and end in the same place. Her thoughts were interrupted when he pulled into the parking lot and got out of his car.

She tried to avoid eye contact as she handed him the last of his things. His eyes were too much to handle at a moment like this. They were always filled with a comforting peace, and peace just wasn't something she could believe in right now.

Before he turned to leave, he wrapped his arms around her as if he was saying his final goodbye. The familiarity of his touch and smell brought a flood of memories and tears to her eyes. He let go too soon she thought as she got back into her car.

She sat there waiting on the strength to leave and thought about the irony of their meeting location. Things like this don't usually begin and end in the same place.